Whether you are struggling with the terrible twos or dealing with angst-ridden adolescents, motivating your children can be a difficult task. All parents and children go through different phases in their relationship, but knowing how to effectively encourage your children can help you manage any hardship together. Here are a few simple tips to help you.
1. Set them up for success
The first step in motivating your children is creating an environment in which they can flourish. By providing wholesome meals (especially breakfast), and integrating children into daily household tasks, parents give their children a strong foundation. Children need boundaries as they grow to maintain a sense of security and identity. Hold your children accountable for chores assigned to them each week
so that they feel like an integral part of the family. Regularly attend their extracurricular activities and behave in predictable ways so that children can form a clear understanding of your values and expectations. Keep a lighthearted attitude in the face of competition so that your children can relax and have fun.
2. Praise effort, not results
Many parents make the mistake of trying to motivate their children by expressing high expectations and pushing them to be the best in any given activity. A healthier approach is to encourage children to do their best, while emphasizing more intangible values like determination and cooperation. This way, when a child loses a race or fails a test, you can still find something positive to say by encouraging their efforts. When your child excels in any given field, praise the work they did to arrive at their success instead of focusing on the prize itself. This constant reinforcement will remind children that they are loved and valued even when their efforts don't result in victory.
3. Keep your own motives in check
Finally, try to examine your own motivations when you find yourself pushing your child too hard. Are you seeking to rectify your own mistakes through them? Do you secretly wish that your son will find the athletic success that you were unable to claim? No one is completely without bias, but this bias need not influence our children negatively if we acknowledge it instead of hiding it. Talk with your children about your own failures and successes in life so that they begin to see the bigger picture. Remember your own advice and acknowledge that you are more valuable than the sum of your experiences. Your children will appreciate the good example.
One of the ultimate goals of raising children well is to help them flourish on their own as adults. By cultivating a sense of belonging and identity, you can help your child face the inevitable victories and downfalls of life with grace. Remind children that you love them regardless of their trophies or lack thereof, and set a good example by taking life's ups and downs in stride. Your children will gain a well-rounded approach to life's challenges, and harbor the self-confidence necessary to pursue difficult but worthwhile endeavors.
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